I thought it was Friday.

Hello.

Today I woke up thinking that it's Friday. The idea lasted for a couple of minutes or so before realizing it's only Thursday lol.

After work, my friend E. and I went to a bouldering gym. Every month, we try a new fitness class together. For March, it's bouldering! 

I first tried bouldering around two years ago when I was in Jakarta for a work assignment. After work, my colleagues and I randomly decided to go bouldering lol. My Indonesian friends from my grad school years also joined us. That time, I couldn't even lift myself up beyond the first hold. I was that weak... It's just really surprising how much has changed in the past two years. And I'm soooo happy to see (& feel) my own progress, no matter how little or slow. 

After that one failed attempt, I never tried again. Not until tonight.

The gym staff first gave us a detailed safety orientation and demo. 

(Not me or E., just a random stranger lol)

Then E. and I went ahead with the beginner's circuit. In this particular gym, the difficulty levels for this category go from green to yellow to red. We tried all problems per grade, while also observing and learning from others. I got to send (ascend) them all except for one (I did try several times though haha). I had so much fun reading (I'm trying to use bouldering terms, ha!) problems and trying out different sequences. 

Ever so adventurous, E. went for higher difficulty levels too. And of course, she conquered most of them! I tried one particular problem which seemed fun from afar but was actually too taxing for me lol. I'm so excited to go back and try again. My other friend (who has been doing this for much longer) will be guiding/teaching us next week, yay.

Afterwards, we headed to a hot pot place for dinner to satisfy E's cravings lol.

It's still PMS week, so I've been treating myself to some pastries. No shame, no guilt, tee-hee. I'm actually not big on sweets (I prefer savory meals!) and I rarely eat baked goods. So I just know that I am definitely PMS-ing since I just devoured this sugary af dulce croissant donut pre-climb lol.

As a souvenir from her Vietnam trip, my friend D. got me a copy of Thich Nhat Hanh's The Miracle of Mindfulness (1975). I read it while waiting for my donut.

During grad school (unrelated to my major), I picked up a copy of Shunryu Suzuki's Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970). I first started reading books on zen buddhism during my senior year in college (unrelated to my major) and continued doing so until my early 20s. This was then somewhat interrupted in my mid-20s when I mostly exclusively read fiction, with the exception of non-fiction books on North Korea (yes, I had this phase) and the works of Richard Dawkins (The God Delusion, 2006), Christopher Hitchens (God is not Great, 2017), and Paul Kurtz (Living without Religion, 1989).

At 29, I revisited zen buddhism. The fall semester was nearing its end and we were all anticipating a heavy snowfall in the weeks to come. I borrowed a copy of Zen Mind, a Beginner's Mind from the university library. I went over and over this line: 

"When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself." 

When you eat, you eat; when you listen, you listen. More on this another time, I do have a lot to reflect on but I am too tired tonight.

Last year during Cinemalaya season, I stumbled upon a small stall selling secondhand books. And there it was, an old copy of Zen Mind, a Beginner's Mind. I bought it and revisited everything.

Around this time (2024-2025), I had also just finished reading the complete works (translated texts) of Epictetus (Discourses), Marcus Aurelius (Meditations), and Seneca (Letters from a Stoic; On the Shortness of Life) on stoic philosophy as well as Nietzsche's The Gay Science (1882) and Albert Camus' books on absurdism. I struggled quite a bit with Camus' novels (The Stranger, 1942; The Fall, 1956), but I absolutely loved The Myth of Sisyphus (1942). I also started reading Dogen then.

It was around this time as well when a close friend of mine suddenly passed away. I read a book he left behind (he lent it to a shared friend of ours who then lent it to me): You Were Born for a Reason: The Real Purpose of Life (Takamori, Akehashi, Ito, 2007). Up to this day, I still cannot properly put into words how this loss has changed the way I see life... This month marks his second death anniversary. And I miss him. I lost my train of thought just now...

These past two years, I have been reading a lot on stoic philosophy and absurdism. I also revisited zen buddhism (as a philosophy; I have no religion). It all came together, helping me make sense of modern life (and its absurdity).

And I just miss my friend so much since he's the only person I can talk to about all these questions, answers, and non-answers about modern living.

Well, this is quite funny. I started journaling tonight just to write about my bouldering experience but now I just went all over the place... Time to sleep, but before I go, let me revisit this passage from Seneca:

(I use an erasable pen)

Live immediately.

Good night.